There are 12 blocks to listening: you will find
your favourite among them. This is NOT a good or bad
thing. Blocks simply get in the way of effective
mine is better, worse, the same as yours. If
they did it my way . . ! Boy if they think that is tough,
let me tell you how tough it can be. It is hard to listen
to their experience if you are constantly comparing. Stops
constantly drawing conclusions based on vague
misgivings, hunches, or projections. “They probably think
I’m dumb - They don’t really want to talk to me.”We are
more concerned about OUR feelings than they are ! !
“Looking” interested while you are busy
rehearsing your responses to their words. You have a point
to make, a story to tell., Or an objection to interject.
You spend your time ready to rebut, defend or manoeuvre
The object here is to avoid problems. If you
are afraid of anger you will pay attention to “angry”
signs -- perceiving none, your mind wanders. You listen
enough to see if a particular problem is coming, if not,
Almost everybody’s favourite. Quick judgments
based on our own prejudice or opinion allow us to write
off someone as stupid, uninformed, a pinko, a hippie, or
whatever. Judgment is best done after knowing background.
Their words trigger your own private thoughts
and associations and away you go! “I just got back from
San Francisco and I . . .” You are gone back to the time
when you . . . And when you “return” they are talking
about something else.
Everything they say triggers your experiences
abut a similar incident and, unrestrained, you launch
happily into your own story about you!
Another all-time favourite. While you’re giving
great advice on how to solve this or that, You are missing
their pain or joy, haven’t acknowledged their situation.
You haven’t “been”there. They are alone in their joy or
often starts with looking for things with which
to be disagreeable. Continues with put-downs and
discounts. “Are you still doing that?” “You don’t know
what you are talking about” or more subtle versions, and
Low self esteem means you have trouble with
criticism or corrections so you go to great lengths in
order to be “rights”. You may override others with a loud
voice, insults, twisting facts, rigidity and other
Two fast ways to derail somebody: (1) an abrupt
change of subject when you get uncomfortable or bored, (2)
“joke-it-off” -- nothing is serious.
Of-course!, yes, really, Terrific!,
Incredible!, Right!, Wow!, You want to be liked at almost
any price -- agree with everything -- feed them mush