Hidden agendas serve two basic purposes:

• to establish and maintain a basic life stance,

• to promote ulterior desires and wants. The primary difficulty with hidden agendas is that they are temporary and situational. You can "feel" better for a short time but the long-range result is to isolate, establish distance, and avoid the closeness, satisfaction, and comfort that we all want in our relationships; both intimate and working relationships.

For a week count the number of times that you find yourself caught in a hidden agenda of your own. Be aware of what hidden agendas, of other people, that you are hooked by. Find out which are your favourites, how you use them & with whom.

If you want to change:

• Let others know that you are changing, and what you are changing.

• Keep a list of your awareness of "who is inviting whom to do what to whom".

• Reinforce yourself with a kind thought, positive stroke, or other "goodie".

• Rehearse some new positions by saying them to yourself, for example: